Happiness is bizarre and often times misleading. Rather the quest for happiness is. We all try to find that one object, one activity, one person, one path, or one career which eventually will make us reach that comfort and happiness we have long been pursuing. It is being able to live the moment fully and losing yourself in the sensation of pure contentment and in the state of celebrating life. I hold on to material objects I have never used thinking the day will come where I could use them and that will make me happy. That out of fashion dress, the pen drained of ink, the empty bottle of perfume, a picture, a book....things I think I should hold on to because, hey what if the day I really need it to make my day I would not have it?
In the quietness of a long night studying and reaching deep into my dispersed thoughts, I found myself staring at a board I have almost forgotten existed. The board of ambition, I call it. I immediately brought back my lost thoughts to that moment of contemplation, browsing through the words and numbers on the board. I felt a brief moment of joy and a feeling of satisfaction...Happiness. Staring at numbers, words, pictures, all signifying an objective I wanted to reach. I did accomplish most of my goals. I really did. Everything stopped, I felt great comfort in staring at the board and realizing the beauty of accomplishment. As if everything else I accomplished in between did not matter. All what mattered are the goals posted on that board, because I wrote them up and can now visualize a to-do list full of check marks. I then felt a sense of sadness because now I have to find the next objectives to reach.
As if I am always trying to find that next big thing to do or to own to be happy. I just cannot seem to live a moment in its full sequence of little meaningless events and enjoy it. There always has to be The big thing, that next goal. Got me thinking into whether ambition creates or kills spontaneous long-term happiness and comfort.
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